On Keeping a Journal: "Superficial to understand the journal as just a receptacle for one’s private, secret thoughts — like a confidante who is deaf, dumb and illiterate. In the journal I do not just express myself more openly than I could to any person; I create myself. There is often a contradiction between the meaning of our actions toward a person and what we say we feel toward that person in a journal. But this does not mean that what we do is shallow, and only what we confess to ourselves is deep. Confessions, I mean sincere confessions of course, can be more shallow than actions.......One of the main (social) functions of a journal or diary is precisely to be read furtively by other people, the people (like parents & lovers) about whom one has been cruelly honest only in the journal. "
- Susan Sontag
In an earlier post, I made mention of blogs being personal and not personal and whatthefuckever. That line is admittedly more ambiguous and less classy than the above speculation but the sentiment was the same (you can believe that or not). The act of blogging feels personal and like a journal, is an expressive outlet. However, posts are created to be publicly read and most definitely judged by others. This suggests an obvious difference between a private written diary and a blog... but that difference is really only in the details. Like a journal, of the moment criticisms, emotions, and subjective interests are expressed. The 'cruel honesty' within the pages of a diary does not have the immediate threat of being read but having a written record of "private" observations will eventually negate the meaning of the word "private" anyway. It interests me that Susan Sontag's observations are so relevant to the new world of the interweb as is the simple fact that I can re-post this direct quote from her journal. Online blog/comment aficionados, just like diaryaholics, have the option of believing the blank posting box (blank page) to be a deaf, dumb and illiterate space within which they are free to reveal themselves truly. Paradoxically, they also hope that their secret hearts will be heard and noticed.
By typing this disclaimer I might actually be proving my earlier points wrong wrong wrong but that's fine. My secret heart's a survivor.
In slightly related news, a friend mentioned one of my blogs in real life recently and the conversation fell very, very flat -->
Friend: That Starbucks blog you wrote where ordered the same thing as the person in front of you was pretty funny.
Me: Really? Thanks. Yeah, I usually get the same thing like, every time I go there and this time I just thought it'd be interesting if I, you know, got what someone else was having.
Friend: ....Yeah.
Me: [Silence]
Friend: [More silence]
"In the journal I do not just express myself more openly than I could to any person; I create myself."
And apparently, I also schill for Starbucks.
Yours Truly,
iloveyouintheface
2 comments:
I think blogging for me has become very (and much too much) complicated these days. When I first started I felt just this way: "In the journal I do not just express myself more openly than I could to any person; I create myself" but over the past couple of months I have not been feeling this way. I am more self conscious and measured about my posts and each post becomes less personal. I am not to the point of deleting the whole thing and I may just be feeling lazy, but last night when I was looking through a bunch of images and came across some of my Nana (a couple of months b/f she died), I realized I really haven't written much of anything since then since she died in July.
And here I am writing and being personal- I'm not going to delete this either but instead I'll leave it and let it be a testament (for you and me) of where I'm writing.
A Maybe I'm just (trying) to take a back seat as a catalyst and instead react? I don't know but it stresses the hell out of me.
Good writing CH.
I felt that way about myspace. As I collected more 'friends' and more people began to comment on things I would write I began to obsess over self-editing, choosing topics, political correctness, what my family might think and soon enough the whole thing seemed beyond me; like a persona maintained not by what I was in real life but by how I created myself digitally. I was, in essence, making friends, and communicating as a virtual paper mask rather than a real person. It's a lot of thought to put into something as simple as a myspace page I guess. But since I (and you?) represent ourselves visually (arty-like) I imagine the idea of making something and having it be a less than honest (or an unsanctioned falsehood) is unbearable.
I like when you are personal and I like being personal back. I'm not sure how to reconcile that digitally and publicly ... which is why that Susan Sontag bit really hit home. Is a blog just a journal? I used to write journals (the real ones), not edit myself, and reading them years later feel mortified but also nostalgic. Now the same honesty comes with a higher, stressful price because of the capabilities of technological innovation, the desire to publicize one's personal thoughts, the creation of a virtual identity based on the existence of a real one, keeping in touch with family and friends via the internet, obsessively writing about your own life.... gaaah!
So, I guess I've come down on the side of being almost as honest as I am in person but with the benefit of delayed judgement or responses. I've also accepted that by posting as I have I'll never be able to run for political office. Loveyouintheface For President was just a pipe dream;)
Oh, and thanks for posting about S.S., Mikel!
Post a Comment